The start is always the hardest part, they say. Whether it was fear holding us back or uncertainty, taking the first step into the unknown becomes a challenge that holds us back... or maybe it is the past and old memories that haunt us and generates our hesitant steps? Either way, once the first step is taken, there is no going back.

I got married and moved to Dubai, moving by that to another university to study in. I won't be talking about the beginning of marriage life and its responsibilities, nor the beginning of a whole social life which I have to create for myself as I moved to another emirate, but the beginning of a new university life, and let me tell you this - it was terrifying.
Other than the uncertainty on my behalf of whether i'll be capable enough to balance my wifey-responsibilities, studying journey, and social activities, I entered a new atmosphere which I have never experienced before, and for the first time in a very long time: I felt lonely. The whole atmosphere was different, and being new made it all harder to adapt to...

I have already experienced new starts; once when I moved with my family to Syria for five years when I was 10 years old, and another time when I entered my old university at the age of 17, but never previously have I felt this nostalgia and loneliness! I guess the only reason for that is because I grew older, and as I did, I became more attached to my surroundings... Which apparently is bad.
I have also experienced being in friendships that came to an end, ones which included me getting very attached to others, as well as getting attached to places as I felt I simply found myself in, and then traveling to some other place or country. Therefore, I should - by now - be able to control my emotions and attachment to my surroundings! But I guess things are easier said than done.

I know I'm harming myself by being an introvert in this new environment, but I just can't help it! I can't help missing my friends whenever I'm in the bus alone, or the library, or even the classrooms. I keep telling everyone of how important it is for yourself to let go in order to move on, but why aren't I doing that?!

....

Writing this has taken me a week. I've given myself 7 days to put my feelings to the test and see whether they have changed - and they have, very slightly, become more positive.
Yes, I still do feel alone, and I miss my friends TERRIBLY! But I have somehow came out of my shell and made some new friends... I've also decided on how I want to spend the rest of this year here; I will try my best to adapt and move on, but stay focused on what's already in my hands: my house and amazing husband, my duties as a young Muslimah growing up and is ready to learn and give back to her religion and community, and most importantly, focus on my studies. I'm actually looking forward to this semester and year, hoping massively that I'd one day look back at this post and find it weird and amusing how I could actually think of such thoughts and be negative.

I mean, t's just the first week that's hard and terrible.. right?